Life is a gift.
But I am a thief.
I can't have what I want.
Some wishes can't all be grant.
I guess I have to do something.
I need to make some thinking.
But this is not my day.
My world is so gray.
Hoping it is darker.
It feels good, better.
I pray for silence.
Some dense.
But quietness is deafening.

Suffocating.
I am choking.
Need some air.
Gasping.

I have to be bare.
Just to be free,
With glee,
In truth and reality.

...Breathe...
..Yah..
...Feel it...

Lie down on the cold cement.
Hear that beautiful silent.
I can't control my eyes.
I see all the lies.

...Blink...
...Breathe...
...Blink....

Please stop it.

Make me sleep.
I want to crawl on the deep.
Come with me.
Touch me.
Cover me.

I don't want to be alone.
But I don't want to be with anyone.
It's just you
that I hope, wish and pray for
to share this so called life.

Then
maybe
I will appreciate this gift.
then I'll be no longer a thief.
and
maybe,
just maybe
I'll know what happiness and peace means
...
Is that what they called "love"?
I don't know.
I just want to feel it.

Then
maybe
I will live a life with love.

but
now
I am still
Hoping
Wishing
Praying
for
you
to
be
A
Gift
Exclusively
For
Me
...

Pain.
Yes, I guess that's the right word.
A very good old friend of mine once tells me that I love pain.
And I just simply can't help but to laugh
for whose normal enough will love it?
As I am thinking about it now maybe she's right.
She is always been right about me.
Where are you, anyway?
Burst into molecules my friend?
I hope not.
I know you are still there.
Just making all your dreams come true.
How I wish I can talk to you now for it seems like I don't know myself.

I want to be numb to what I am feeling now.
I want to escape from reality.
I want to be lost.
Simply gone.
Far away.
Quiet, deeper, darkest.

Is there someone who knew me?
Is there something you can tell me or share with me?
Is there a day for all of us will understand
and feel what happiness really is?

I just hate this so called pain.
I hate thinking about the what-ifs.
I hate living a life without knowing.
It just keeps me going each empty wrong day.

Breathing. Thinking. Breathing

Counting the hours that passed.
Remembering how long I am alone.
Reminiscing those times I am too certain.
Forgetting that life moves in circles that things do change.

Change.
Sweet cool damn change.
Why the things I value had to be gone?
Why can't it be just those that I don't give a damn?
Why I can't hold on to happiness so
I will never knew this pain?

I want to cry but there are no tears.
I want to scream but the silence is too loud.
I want to throw things hard but I'm weak.

I want change.
Yes.
Another change.

I don't like to be like this anymore.
I don't want to hurt anyone, anymore.
I don't want to hear any plea nor continuous sobs.

I'm sorry, once happy soul.
But don't you know I am hurting too?
Maybe much more to what you are suffering
for I am the reason of your pain.

Boiling, blistering, dying in every burning tears you dropped.
And this is my punishment until you don't stop weeping.
Please stop hating and putting yourself down.

Damn pain.
Wish I could dump.
Dump myself alone without thinking of you.

delete me. erase me. delete me.

isn't it enough for i am in pain knowing you are trying to forget me?

buried me now than keeping me alive.

BURNING.