Yes, I guess that's the right word.
A very good old friend of mine once tells me that I love pain.
And I just simply can't help but to laugh
for whose normal enough will love it?
As I am thinking about it now maybe she's right.
She is always been right about me.
Where are you, anyway?
Burst into molecules my friend?
I hope not.
I know you are still there.
Just making all your dreams come true.
How I wish I can talk to you now for it seems like I don't know myself.
I want to be numb to what I am feeling now.
I want to escape from reality.
I want to be lost.
Simply gone.
Far away.
Quiet, deeper, darkest.
Is there someone who knew me?
Is there something you can tell me or share with me?
Is there a day for all of us will understand
and feel what happiness really is?
I just hate this so called pain.
I hate thinking about the what-ifs.
I hate living a life without knowing.
It just keeps me going each empty wrong day.
Breathing. Thinking. Breathing
Counting the hours that passed.
Remembering how long I am alone.
Reminiscing those times I am too certain.
Forgetting that life moves in circles that things do change.
Change.
Sweet cool damn change.
Why the things I value had to be gone?
Why can't it be just those that I don't give a damn?
Why I can't hold on to happiness so
I will never knew this pain?
I want to cry but there are no tears.
I want to scream but the silence is too loud.
I want to throw things hard but I'm weak.
I want change.
Yes.
Another change.
I don't like to be like this anymore.
I don't want to hurt anyone, anymore.
I don't want to hear any plea nor continuous sobs.
I'm sorry, once happy soul.
But don't you know I am hurting too?
Maybe much more to what you are suffering
for I am the reason of your pain.
Boiling, blistering, dying in every burning tears you dropped.
And this is my punishment until you don't stop weeping.
Please stop hating and putting yourself down.
Damn pain.
Wish I could dump.
Dump myself alone without thinking of you.
delete me. erase me. delete me.
isn't it enough for i am in pain knowing you are trying to forget me?
buried me now than keeping me alive.
BURNING.